Kootenay Woman
The Strategically Not Eating Trio
The Strategically Not Eating Trio
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The Strategically Not Eating Trio
OR The Graceful Pause Forest Tea Trio (with Liquid Willpower MCT Oil!)
"For when you’re intentionally not eating – with the dignity of a maple tree in winter."
When Life Gives You a Fasting Window...
...Reach for these forest-inspired companions instead of the cookie jar.
The Bundle Includes:
- "Nettle & Nice" Morning Tea
- Ingredients: Wild stinging nettle (nature’s multivitamin), cinnamon (for willpower that smells like Christmas), peppermint (so fresh, so clean)
- Best Enjoyed: While calmly explaining to your partner why you’re “just having tea” for breakfast
- "Burdock Brave" Afternoon Brew
- Ingredients: Burdock root (what tough pioneer women sipped), yarrow (for pretending you’re a wise cottagecore heroine), clove (for when life needs more spice)
- Pairs Well With: Resisting office donuts like the boss you are
- "Clover & Clever" Evening Wind-Down
- Ingredients: Red clover (like a meadow in your mug), dandelion (sunshine in plant form), rose petals (because maturity has its luxuries)
- When to Use: That glorious moment when you can finally eat again
FREE "Liquid Willpower" MCT Oil
- Pure coconut MCT oil for when herbal tea just isn’t cutting it
- Traditional Uses:
- Making keto coffee less sad
- Adding luxury to your “I’m fine, really” face
How to Use (Without Triggering Health Canada)
🍁 Morning: "Nettle & Nice" + deep breathing (not at the pastry case)
🍁 Afternoon: "Burdock Brave" + politely declining snacks (again)
🍁 Evening: "Clover & Clever" + savoring your victory (and dinner)
Disclaimer (The Boring But Necessary Part)
These teas are for sipping, not miracles. They won’t make you lose weight, live forever, or finally enjoy yoga. Not evaluated by Health Canada. MCT oil is food, not medicine. Consult your doctor before attempting to out-stubborn your hunger.
Graceful Pause Forest Trio vs. Regular Tea
(A Totally Unbiased Scientific Analysis)
| Feature | Graceful Pause Trio | Regular Tea | Winner |
|---|---|---|---|
| Ingredients | Wild-harvested nettle, burdock, clover + MCT oil | "Orange pekoe" (mystery dust) | 🌲 Our roots don’t lie |
| Caffeine | Naturally caffeine-free (like your patience after menopause) | Enough to jitter like a squirrel in Tim Hortons | ☕ Depends who’s asking |
| Flavor | "Earthy complexity" (tastes like a forest floor, in a good way) | "Elegant simplicity" (tastes like hot water + regret) | 🍂 For those who drink their personality |
| When to Drink | During intentional eating pauses™ | While pretending to listen to your mother-in-law | 🕰️ One has actual timing benefits |
| Cultural Pedigree | Inspired by pioneer women & wise herbalists | Inspired by British colonialism | 🇨🇦 Maple syrup beats crumpets |
| MCT Oil Compatibility | Liquid Willpower™ blends seamlessly | Turns into weird oily puddles (like your ex’s promises) | 🥥 Coconut victory |
| Aftertaste | "Herbaceous finish" (you’ll feel vaguely virtuous) | "Bitter remorse" (why did I skip snacks again?) | 🌿 Nature’s guilt trip |
| Best Paired With | Resisting office birthday cake | Resisting the urge to correct people’s grammar | 🎂 Choose your struggle |
Key Takeaways (According to Our Fake Scientists)
1. Graceful Pause is for you if:
- You know what "adaptogenic" means but won’t say it out loud
- Your idea of rebellion is skipping dessert (quietly)
- You appreciate the term "intestinal fortitude" as a pun
2. Stick to regular tea if:
- You think "foraging" is finding snacks in your purse
- Your spirit animal is a sensible cardigan
- You’ve never side-eyed a muffin
Disclaimer (Because Lawyers Love Charts Too)
This chart is 73% factual and 27% sass. Graceful Pause teas won’t make you enlightened, just mildly more interesting at book club. Not evaluated by Health Canada. MCT oil may induce smugness.
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